Information Overload

Ok folks, seriously somebody has GOT to create a manual for this crap or something.  You'd think after 11 years in the same war we'd of figured this out by now.  Here's a taste of the absolute information overload you're expected to remember:

First up are hundreds of hours of computer based training (CBTs).  Ok, hundreds is a little dramatic, but it's a lot.  And they are this little interactive army dude coming out asking you questions.  "If evading capture, would you hide in A) the cave, B) the woods, or C) run screaming like a little bitch down the hill".  C, for sure C.  "I'm sorry, you have been captured and can no longer return with honor".  Ah, shit, lemme try again!  hahaha.  Or, the CBT teaching you basic phrases in the native language.  Look, I was raised outside of Louisville, KY...I can't speak English like I'm supposed to, let alone some shit I've never heard in my whole life!  "please repeat after me, haba blah blah blah".  Ok, baba boo blah.  "I'm sorry, that is incorrect.  Please repeat after me...".  Yeah, whatever bro, don't judge me.  Next.

So, then you move on to the hands on stuff.  Lemme just tell you, this instructor almost died.  So, I show up for firing class.  This particular weapon I was firing, I'd never seen, held, touched, nothing in my life.  So, I tell the guys up front, "look bro, not only did I ride the short bus to school everyday, I was the kid licking the window.  So, if you need to go ahead and pull up a chair next to me, you need to just go ahead and do that".  Class goes well, we go out to the firing range, I'm feeling pretty good.  Round 1, 0 shots on the target.  hmm, ok, lemme try again.  40 rounds later, 0 on the target.  Now, let me just say, I'm not a great shot, but I can hit the damn piece of paper!  So this guy has the balls to come up to me and say, "ok, now when you look at the target, what do you see".  I'm like what do you mean what do I see, I see the freaking target!  He goes, "well do you see a little black circle with a dot in the middle".  Omg, I'm going to beat you with this weapon!  Yes I see the freaking iron sights a-hole!!!  So, then I lose it a little, and shove the weapon at him, look you shoot it, I'm not that stupid, you freaking shoot the weapon.  After some arguing he humbles me and shoots it 3 times.  0 on the target.  OOOOOHHHH!!!  NOW he says oh there's something wrong with this gun!  uuuuuhhhhh.  Whatever, it all gets sorted out (yes! there was a problem with the weapon) and I qualify. 

Now I get handed a list of all the gear I need.  Ok, now I'm thinking, oh I GOT this, if I can do anything, I can shop!  Bring it on.  So, I go to the special issue store, a clerk takes my list, and we go around the store as they throw the stuff in my cart and mark the items off the list.   Wtf.  I'm looking at these foreign objects which I have never seen in my life.  Excuse me, what am I supposed to do with that?  What the hell is that?  This is a what?  And this very nice clerk quickly explained things over his shoulder as I chase after him attempting to take mental notes of it all.  Yeah right.  I resorted to saving all of the labels so I can read the instructions later.  Then come the choices.  There's a wall of flashlights, which one would you like?  Hell, idk, which one do I need.  They say, just pick one.  Ok, I picked.  Then come the backpacks, do you want green, brown, multicam pattern, abu pattern, or black.  OMG!  IDK!!  Again, the clerk gives me the run down on the pros and cons of each.  I have no idea, I went with black, forget it. 

So, now that I'm a trained warrior, I've got the gear...now on to the packing....

Enough Said.  Disaster zone.  I thought it was never going to end.  Not to mention, I insisted on washing absolutely EVERYTHING before I packed it.  I mean, I've heard your stuff doesn't really get clean in the laundry over there.  I just like the idea of at least starting out with a clean shirt.  No?  Too much?  oh Jesus...

  

Gordy just wants to make sure the important stuff gets in :)

I've resorted to keeping paper with me at all times to write down the never ending to do list running through my brain, and the endless questions I need to ask someone, anyone, who's done this before.  Make sure to order the special laundry detergent online, find Gordy a home, pack everything I own in those space saver bags, ship everything (b/c God knows I'm not carrying that shit), go buy new sweatpants b/c I accidentally packed & shipped every pair I own, change Birchbox delivery address so I can continue to receive beauty products over there, etc.  Ya know, the important stuff ;)

Sometimes you just gotta give it a little "Jesus take the wheel" and what will be will be.  Expect emails from me, Ahhh!! I forgot________ :) ...or, hey can I send some crap to your house to store b/c I brought WAY too much! 

Disclaimers

The intent if this blog is to share my deployment experience with the people I love. The contents of this blog are my own personal thoughts, feelings, and ideas and do not reflect any position of the United States government, the Department of Defense, or anything in between, they are solely my opinions and my experience. This is not a place for you to leave your comments to express your political views or your opinion of the war. Honestly, I just don't give a shit about what you think of the current, past, or future Administration. I take my orders from the Commander in Chief, period. If you want my orders to change, go vote. I want this to be a place to share experiences with people I love.  If that's not you, move on, if that is you & you feel the need to tell someone about how you feel about the President, go tell it to someone on Facebook like the rest of the world, I just don't care, not where I'm going.

The next disclaimer is for all of my fellow Airmen, Soldiers, Sailors, and Marines who may stumble upon this. I mean absolutely zero disrespect toward you or your deployment experiences. I am very girly, I am in a career field many do not care for, and in a branch of Service you may think is not as tough as yours.  This is simply my blog & these are my experiences.  You can form whatever opinions you want about me, just do not ever think that I represent some broader stereotype or demographic.  The people I work with and have worked with are some of the absolute finest individuals society has to offer, and they have been to and been through some incredible deployments & endured more than I could ever dream of.  They run circles around me everyday &
I consider myself truly blessed to have known them all. I know you have done some absolutely incredible things & I hear your stories everyday & I'm so so proud of all of you. Please understand that if I talk about a shitty day or being in a shitty location, I absolutely know you've all been in much shittier locations & had much shittier days.  All I ask is for you to try to understand that just because you're somewhere worse & had a worse day doesn't mean mine wasn't bad for me in relation to my experiences. If I talk about something being awesome, well I'm just plain sorry if you don't have the same. God bless you & thank you for your service.

Finally, names and locations will be changed out of respect for people's privacy and our safety.  I will refer to being in locations of beautiful white sandy beaches or perhaps cruising the Mediterranean, but please know that is all bullshit.  If you know me, you know where I am, and if you don't, well, think whatever you want. 

I love you all, let the adventures begin!